And furthermore: It’s resolution time

By Laurence J. Sasso, Jr.

It’s almost obligatory to make resolutions at this time of year. So, here goes:

Lose some weight.
(Why be obscure and esoteric? Doesn’t everyone put this one at the top of their list?)
Eat at more gourmet restaurants. (Wait a minute.)
Reconcile one and two above.
Get more sleep!
Read more books!
Stop reading in bed!
Be nice to those with whom you disagree.
Disagree with those who aren’t nice to you.
Reflect more.
Don’t think about things so much.
Avoid caffeine.
Get some energy drinks.
Shave off beard.
Remove all mirrors in the house.
Get more exercise.
Find new places for all the things stored on the treadmill.
Call friends more often.
Spend less time on the phone.
Travel more.
Save money on gas.
Watch less news on cable TV.
Stay well informed on current affairs.
Dress more fashionably.
Check out Wal-Mart men’s department.
Look into getting a dog.
Make an appointment with allergist.
Spend more time with family.
Join more community organizations.
Get serious help with contradictory impulses!